Oh girls, where do I begin? I have so fallen off the wagon with this study. Actually, I feel I have fallen of the wagon with God as well. I really can't go into it all now, but just know that there are some things happening in the Ingram family that has brought more chaos and heartbreak. Those things have made me aware that I need to get back on the wagon and stay on for the long haul...and not just with my weight, but with my RELATIONSHIP with Him.

Today my family will see how one's actions have consequences that not only effect him, but those who love him. (and we often think sin only effects that person.) I am angry and very disappointed in this individual to the point of not even being able to really talk about it-my anger or the situation-right now. At my core, I am begging God to help me work through this anger...at my core, I am asking God to heal my heart towards this person. It was during this time that I was so convicted at how God must be disappointed in me...of how He longs for me to do better, and how He longs for me to reach for His help when I need it. My heart was broken when I realized how I have been breaking His heart over and over again. I immediately was convicted and I long to do better...I don't want him to feel the disappointment that I am feeling now...both towards myself and to my family member. And like God, I need to show love and mercy, and yet give "tough love" at the same time. I know I am being watched by not only this person, but to all of those within my family, on how I am going to handle the situation.

I woke early this morning because I couldn't sleep due to this situation and what today will bring. I got up knowing I needed to spend time with the Lord...knowing He would speak to me if I would just listen. And He did. Through an email I received from Dennis Rainey, I opened to a sermon given on trust...who do we trust in times of chaos? What a title! Anyway, the article was talking about trusting the Lord in times of uncertainty...trusting that God has our best interest in mind, and trusting that we don't have to be afraid of what our day will bring. I open my bible to read Psalms 56:3-4
When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God, whose words I praise, in God I trust, I will not be afraid.

It may not seem like the Holy Grail, but it spoke to me...He spoke to me! He took time to speak to me this morning! He took time to show me love and mercy in my disobedience to Him. What an awesome God we serve!

I don't know if I will be able to call you guys later...I will probably be in Evadale this afternoon as we have to discuss the "situation" with mom. The Grabers are in until the weekend and things are still crazy from the holidays. I'll call when I can...just be in prayer for me and I will fill you guys in later. Love you both!