Oh girls, where do I begin? I have so fallen off the wagon with this study. Actually, I feel I have fallen of the wagon with God as well. I really can't go into it all now, but just know that there are some things happening in the Ingram family that has brought more chaos and heartbreak. Those things have made me aware that I need to get back on the wagon and stay on for the long haul...and not just with my weight, but with my RELATIONSHIP with Him.

Today my family will see how one's actions have consequences that not only effect him, but those who love him. (and we often think sin only effects that person.) I am angry and very disappointed in this individual to the point of not even being able to really talk about it-my anger or the situation-right now. At my core, I am begging God to help me work through this anger...at my core, I am asking God to heal my heart towards this person. It was during this time that I was so convicted at how God must be disappointed in me...of how He longs for me to do better, and how He longs for me to reach for His help when I need it. My heart was broken when I realized how I have been breaking His heart over and over again. I immediately was convicted and I long to do better...I don't want him to feel the disappointment that I am feeling now...both towards myself and to my family member. And like God, I need to show love and mercy, and yet give "tough love" at the same time. I know I am being watched by not only this person, but to all of those within my family, on how I am going to handle the situation.

I woke early this morning because I couldn't sleep due to this situation and what today will bring. I got up knowing I needed to spend time with the Lord...knowing He would speak to me if I would just listen. And He did. Through an email I received from Dennis Rainey, I opened to a sermon given on trust...who do we trust in times of chaos? What a title! Anyway, the article was talking about trusting the Lord in times of uncertainty...trusting that God has our best interest in mind, and trusting that we don't have to be afraid of what our day will bring. I open my bible to read Psalms 56:3-4
When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God, whose words I praise, in God I trust, I will not be afraid.

It may not seem like the Holy Grail, but it spoke to me...He spoke to me! He took time to speak to me this morning! He took time to show me love and mercy in my disobedience to Him. What an awesome God we serve!

I don't know if I will be able to call you guys later...I will probably be in Evadale this afternoon as we have to discuss the "situation" with mom. The Grabers are in until the weekend and things are still crazy from the holidays. I'll call when I can...just be in prayer for me and I will fill you guys in later. Love you both!

Ah HA!

Okay girls, this isn't a spiritual blog, but one where the light did go off! Long story short, Paul surprised me with a dinner date the other night. I thought we were going to the company Christmas party, and instead ended up in Houston at my favorite restaurant. We were all dressed up and enjoying our time together without worrying about being mom and dad. This restaurant is upscale...a very prim and proper place...where it is way too expensive, but the food is well worth it. One of those places you go three times in your life, and that is if you're lucky. As I was sitting there, prim and proper, I was chewing my steak slowly and deliberately tasting it's full flavor. I didn't want anything else...just my steak...no sides, drinks, desserts. It was that good! And when something is that good, you want to savor every moment. There it hit me..."ah, this is what is supposed to be like." I didn't want to fill myself with other things. I didn't want to scarf it down...and while doing this I realized I was pleasantly filled....not too full. I SOOOOO enjoyed my dinner, and all the while, heard God say "this is what I'm trying to teach you." Wow...I had to share it with Paul immediately!!! There was no need to even stop and get dessert on the way home! It was wonderful. I've tried to practice "prim and proper"ness here at home...and I do have to say there is something to be said about doing that while eating Mac-n-Cheese. Not quite the same. :) With that being said...enjoy the flavors of the season...just in moderation and do it slowly! :) Merry Christmas to you both. I love you and pray God's blessings on you in 2009!

Power struggle

Today is fasting day. I just had my first Psalm snack of the day at 10:30, roughly. It is the first time in this round of the study that I sat down to have one. I was skeptical about getting anything out of it, but my prayer was just that I wanted to hunger for God more than food as my stomach was growling rather loudly at that moment.

The Psalm was Psalm 68. It was a bit lengthy and full of a whole lot of symbolic language that I cannot begin to put in its place and I will have to admit that I was getting a bit discouraged by all the goings on of mountains and kings and whatnot. However, the last verse was really all that I needed right now.

Verse 38 says, "O God, You are awesome from Your sanctuary. The God of Israel Himself gives strength and power to the people. Blessed be God!"

Whether that is strength to last through the temptations of licking the knife when making the sandwiches or just having one m&m or whatever it may be...I don't have the power. Whether it is getting up to spend time with Him or living life to glorify Him, whatever it may be...I don't have the power. The God of Israel has it and it is His to give.

• God, thank you for taking away the gnawing feeling in my stomach as I read your word. I did notice that. Thank you for being the power that you are even when I don't realize it. Please give Erin and me the strength for this fast and Sam, when she takes hers. Show us that YOU are the one who has the power over everything and it is YOURS to give to us, not ours to take control of. I needed to know that, but more importantly I need to truly understand and yield to that. Please help me in that and be that power to us today and every day.

We have won!

When I want to do good, evil is right there too. I should be delighting in God's law, but instead I am often held prisoner to the law of sin constantly at work within my body.

I so desperately want to continue with my "vulnerable time of day Psalm snack". It was so refreshing and encouraging when I did that last Friday. Now (excuses, excuses) being back home after being out of town, I feel like I need to reboot myself. Re-acknowledge that I need to focus on the afternoon and late evening as times to Psalm snack instead of snack snack. So, again, I commit to that today.

My mind does desire to be a slave to God's law, now God please help my "members" to show that today! I don't want to be of the devil and to continue in a pattern of what I have acknowledged so many times is sin.

We have a battle, but why don't we remember all of the time that we have won the battle through Jesus Christ??

1 John 1:20 "We know also that the Son of God has come and has given us understanding, so that we may know him who is true. And we are in him who is true—even in his Son Jesus Christ. He is the true God and eternal life."

Dear Lord,

Today please help me hold to the truth that Jesus Christ has won the battle over sin and death. Help me live like one who has won this battle, because I have in Him. Please help Michelle and Sam today too. Sick kids and general mom stuff can bog us down. Be with us today, Lord and give us strength. I love you.

Erin

The Christian Fast, Part 2

Confession: I am on the same week that I was on 2 weeks ago. Week 3 day 2. I have stayed up late causing me to be really tired in the mornings and so I don't get up. Right now, the wind is howling outside, it's cold, I'm super tired and I want to got to bed again. I have sick kids. I don't even have a Christmas tree up yet, guys. This is terrible. Well, not as terrible as my lack of growth lately, but you know what I mean.

I'm not even into this lesson. I started it last week and finished it just because I had to finish it. I lose heart when I don't grasp concepts and when I don' t feel like I'm getting it. That's where I am today. Discouraged about my spiritual life and yet still thinking about it all the time...all the time.

The passage was good today, but I went through it like book work. 1 Corinthians 6:12-20. I am sure I could get so much more out of this, but I will touch on verse 18. Our addiction to food, whether over eating or eating when not hungry or just eating too often, it is an affair we are having against God. If we look at a marital affair as infidelity against our husbands, then a food affair is infidelity against God. Why can't we see that?

Going back to that family where the husband left...don't you think that it can get easier and easier to some degree to continue in the affair? The longer he's involved, the quieter the Spirit can become. We have been involved with our food for years. It's high time we leave our "mistress" of sorts (though we aren't men...) and get with God.

• God, I confess that my heart isn't right and I don't know what to do about it sometimes. Myunworthiness is revealed daily, yet I somehow feel deserving of Your attention and correction. I so desperately want for you to grab a hold of me and shake some sense into me or awareness or something like that. I don't want sleep to be more important. I don't want kids to be more important. I don't want anything to be more important than you, but if you watch my life, all things are. More and more things in my life seem pointless and useless for furthering your kingdom and yet more and more time is spent doing these things. Grab us, Lord, and put in us a heart that wants You more than life itself. Forgive me of my sins. Forgive me when I don't even know what they are. Forgive me when I put everything before You. Make me make good choices so I can be more for You. Please do the same for Sam and Erin in their struggles. Thank you for our belief but please help our unbelief.

Thank you, Lord for a Mid-afternoon Victory

Hi ya girls.

Psalm 118:1 "Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good, His love endures forever!"

Now what is better than that for a little snack in the middle of the day? Nothing!

Plus, my water with fresh squeezed lemon actually tastes delicious right now.

Psalm 118:14 "The LORD is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation."

Dear Lord,
Thank you for small victories. May Michelle and Sam also have small victories today and thank and praise you in the midst of them.
Your child, Erin

Same old thing. . .

Okay, is there anything new under the sun? I am supposed to write down the time of day I often fail and cave in with food.

Mid afternoon and before bed.

Easy. I know this.

Number one: It is okay to eat during those times, but in a healthy way!

Number two: It is so embarrassing that I, in my sin, continue to be a prisoner to those times of day. Those are the particular times of day I should specifically set aside to Psalm snack. I just need to schedule that into my day. Duh. If I have time to eat, I have time to read my Bible!

Therefore, I commit to do that today. I will update you on how I did with this commitment. If I don't, well that just proves that I am continuing to be a slave to this sin.

Using Scripture to Fight Temptation

COMPARING TWO MEN

Cain - a man, first born, worked the soil, brought some fruits of the soil as an offering to the Lord, the Lord did not look on Cain and his offering with favor, Cain was angry and his face was downcast

Abel - born after Cain, Abel brought fat portions and some of the firstborn of his flock, the Lord looked with favor on Abel and his offering

Cain brought "some". The Bible doesn't indicate anything special about his offering. The Bible is quite clean that Abel brought his best.

The word picture of Genesis 4:7 is very powerful. Sin is crouching - like a hungry animal waiting to pounce on me. Sin itself is hungry for me. Thankfully, the Holy Spirit in us is more powerful than this temptation to sin. I can, we can, overcome temptation!

God has given us His word. When the enemy says:

"Just a little won't hurt."
"Go ahead, you can burn it off when you exercise."
"You deserve it."

I can say with the authority of God's word:

1 John 4:4 You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.

Genesis 4:7 "If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it."

1 Corinthians 10:13 No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

Therefore, there really is no excuse for continually falling into this sin.

God, forgive me for making my weakness an excuse when You have given all of Your children Your Holy Spirit and Your Word to fight our fleshly desires for food (or whatever sin) over you. May I use the awesome tools You have given to overcome, to master and to stand up under the temptation to satisfy my deep soul hunger with food. It never satisfies the way You do, Lord. Your Child, Erin

Ladies ~
I'm slow, I know, but I am trying to be steady. Today I did Week 2 Day 3. Today I am on a half day. I want to honor that today. I haven't really been planning my days (except fast day) like I should. I need to implement that this week. Please hold me accountable and ask me how I'm doing. Thanks!

The Biblical Fast

I'm not sure what it is about the fasting days, but they go by so fast. Actually, I am kind of guessing that it's no accident. When I have a busy day, it is next to impossible to do my study, let alone to sit and take in any "Psalms snacks" and take extra time to be still for God. That is my goal for the next fast. I was prayerful throughout the day, but not still long enough to hear anything.

First off is one of the verses for the week. I Corinthians 6:12 says "All things are lawful (permissible) for me but I will not be mastered by anything."

That verse alone should be able to give us so much freedom, but instead I believe it, at times, binds us even more. We go overboard in our "lawful" things instead of being thankful that we are "allowed" these things, for lack of better words.

I don't think I have ever leaned toward asceticism, which is what the Biblical fast is NOT. Asceticism denies the body completely and permanently of pleasure in order to attain a higher level of spirituality.

• John Piper explains the existence of a path between the path of asceticism and total indulgence and that is the path of "pleasant pain." We deny ourselves in order to break the chains that bind us, but also that we might know more of Christ. We give up food for a time so that we might HUNGER FOR GOD, so that we might know more of Christ.

There were 2 passages to look at today, but I will only brush on the first one. Colossians 2:6-8 is the first one in which we are exhorted to walk in Christ. (The second passage was Colossians 2:16-23). I used Tim's Complete Word Study of the New Testament to find out some of the Greek meanings and such for some of the words and the word for "walk" means to be occupied. We are to be occupied with Christ. I know we know that, but I'm just pointing it out. There's a bigger epiphany to come.

We can only be occupied with Christ if we are firmly rooted in Him, verse 7. Then the kicker for me was in verse 8 when we are warned against being spoiled or taken captive or as the word means in the Greek, SEDUCED.

Girls, do we let ourselves be seduced by other men away from our husbands? No. I fight to be preoccupied with Tim by being firmly rooted in him. Why then do I allow myself to be seduced, as it is, by food (chocolate) when there is Christ who can satisfy me? Following an affair never lasts. For the Christian, it is empty, lonely, painful, guilt-ridden...it doesn't satisfy like your spouse can. Chocolate, among other things for me, is empty, lonely, painful, guilt-ridden...it will not satisfy me like Christ can. The goal for me is to be thankful and content with less of the good thing and discontent with my consumption of Christ.

• God, I want to starve for you. I want the gnawing in my belly to shout that you are alive and I need to feast on you. Thank you that I didn't overdo it on the fudge yesterday, even though I broke the fast as I was making dinner. Grab hold of our hearts and our minds so we aren't seduced by the pleasures of this world; so that we are not preoccupied by them rather than by you. Thank you for Sam and Erin and their like desire to be overindulged with you. Please show each of us little victories that will keep us persevering in this race. We want to finish and be able to live as women of moderation, for your glory!!! Your unworthy child, Michelle.
  

All in a day's fast...

Yes, I am fasting. I need to keep this really short...I was going to call each of you, but I am behind schedule on things and just layed the kids down at 1:30 only to get them back up at 2:30ish to get the boys from school. Ugh! That means that after doing a un-noticeable amount of cleaning in the kitchen, I now have 30 minutes to sit and do my study. Therefore I cannot stay on this blasted computer for long. I will update soon, but in the meantime, I am thinking of you guys and am excited to see the stuff that's going on. Please pray for me as I will for you!

Fasting Today

Lord, as I fast today I desire to be with you. And while I rest my body from food, please purify it as well.

If I continually disobey God, not only am I disobedient, but I am a liar because I claim to have fellowship with Jesus. It is amazing how such things can truly squelch our witness for Christ! Thank God that if we confess - not only will He forgive, He will purify us. A lot of times, especially with food, I don't know if I get to that second step. It's like I don't trust that He will purify me. I know He will forgive, but He wants to purify me too!!

It isn't like I claim to be without sin. . . yet, I do. What I mean is, I avoid confronting the issue. If I don't step on the scale and see how much weight I've gained, or if I don't dwell on how much food I consumed, then I don't have to address the sin. I just sweep it under the rug and don't mention it to myself, God or others. Of course, it is still sin and avoiding the issue simply lets Satan have more of a foothold.

So, now that I think about it, a lot of times I am also not confessing my sin!

1 John 1:9 says, "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."

I have to admit that overindulgence is a sin and I have to trust that He will forgive and purify. By not admitting it I am doing what 1 John 1:10 says, "If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives."

I guess what I hadn't addressed is avoiding the subject, ignoring the sin, is just the same as claiming that I haven't sinned!

Thank you, again, Lord, for a new understanding from Your Word today. May I apply it through the day. Please help Sam as she comes off a day of fasting to be moderate with food and immoderate for You. Please be with me and Michelle (I think?) as we seek You rather than food today. I love You, Lord. Your Child, Erin.

Thanks Erin!

Wow...did I need to hear that. It encouraged me so much! Today is my fasting day, and of course I didn't rest well last night, and therefore, only got about 3 hours of sleep and overslept this morning. So, I haven't done my study yet, but am fasting anyway. Do you think Satan knew I was going to fast today? :) I've already been met with some battles of will...of my own, but God is showing Himself faithful. Thank you Lord!

A Marathon

When I first started running this is how I started:

I literally began by jogging for 5 minutes. I would run for 2:30 one way and then jog back. Starting at such a small increment made it easier to accomplish my goals. I didn't just wake up one day and say, "I think I'll run 26 miles."

I even had a chart that I checked off as I completed each workout. If I looked ahead, I would feel overwhelmed that soon I would be jogging 10 miles . . . 15 miles, etc! But if I looked at the week I was on, I was confident. Last week I ran 2 miles. This week I'm supposed to go for 3 miles. I can do that!

So it is with training myself to be a woman of moderation. Small victories are important, just as you said, Sam. And the small victories, if consistent, can and will lead to larger victories!

Thank you God, for last night. I was planning and plotting through the evening that once I had completed a few household tasks I would "reward" myself with . . . I didn't know what, but I was plotting some type of pantry raid. Thank you for that still, small voice whispering to me as I was just about to head to the kitchen, 'You don't need that. What you need is Me and what you need to do is go to bed and rest.' God, thank you for the strength you gave me to obey. That small victory was like a 5 minute jog. I want to be a woman of moderation - I want to reach that goal, but I'm beginning to understand that it's the small things that I obey You in that will lead me to my ultimate destination.

Small Victories!

Today was a bit easier to rise and do my study. God gave me a full night's sleep...I didn't wake once...until 4:40 a.m. That is so rare for me...I normally am up 2-4 times a night going to the bathroom, etc. But not last night! Thank you God!

I had some small victories yesterday, and although small, I want to make sure I give God the glory! "Small" is the one thing I don't want to overlook, because that is SO what Satan wants me to do. It is those "small" things that lead us away from the Lord, and ends up chaining us to bondage. I've been made aware that it is the "small" things that get me rolling down the hill of depression-not the big things. Satan does not come and ring my door bell and say, "I'm here...can I come in?"So I am praying for more small victories today...reminding myself that every time I say no Satan, I am saying "yes" to God. And every time I say yes to God, my communication with Him is getting better and better.

* Lord, thank you for this quiet morning. Thank you for a great night's sleep...you know how important that is to me, physically and emotionally. Thank you for caring for our whole being...physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Thank you for the small victories yesterday, and I ask that you allow more today. Help me to walk worthy of those...taking one step at a time... I know Satan wants me stagnant, and convicting our hearts, allowing us to hear you, and then giving us the strength to obey are all steps toward glorifying you. Help us do that today...for I know that "whom much is given, much is required." Thank you for loving us!

As a footnote: I am going to change my fasting day to Wednesday instead of Thursday. It seems to work better with my schedule. I am home on Wednesdays with extra kids and I am gone on Thursdays. I really think God wants me to honor Him here at home first. I know that may not make sense to anyone, but for me it does.

A New Month

Good for you, Sam, to be on Week 3.
Sigh. I just completed Week 1 today, but I too am preparing to fast this week and to study week 2 all the way through. I look forward to having friends fasting from food to feast on the Lord with me! Thursday, right?

Dear Lord,
Thank you for friendships and accountability. Thank you for your grace. Be with all of us as we begin the busy Christmas season. Of all times, we should be feasting on you over Christmas treats. Keep that in the front of our minds and please give us the continued willingness to obey and worship you each day in this study and throughout the day on Psalms. I love you Lord with all my heart, soul and mind. May I show you that through my actions today.
Your child, Erin

Come Play

It is 5:51 a.m. The Lord woke me at 4:57 and asked me if it was time to meet with Him? I'm still amazed that He didn't tell me....but asked me. I felt as if He were a child asking me to make the time to sit and play with Him. I was saddened that I struggled with staying in bed and telling Him, "not right now, I am too tired." I so wish I could say that it was an attitude of joy that made me do my study this morning, instead of an act of obedience...only doing it because I know I am supposed to.

I did Week 3, day 1 today...preparing for a fast this week. Oh, how I needed it after this weekend. I find it a little more than suspicious that we over-stuff ourselves on the day we set aside to give Thanks to God. "Thanksgiving" is so entangled in sin! A day that we are reminded to give thanks for everything is the day that the world looks to indulge. ...I look to indulge. Aghhh, so here I am again Lord, asking for forgiveness, and giving thanks to you for loving me in spite of myself.

Lord, speak to me in ways that I understand, and then give me the WILLINGNESS to obey. I do love you, but help me love you more. I believe, but help my unbelief. Help me to focus on you today...not my list of things to do. Help me to focus on WHY I am making meals for others and not on the meals themselves. Help me work through this depression I find myself in, and thank you for opening my eyes to my lack of "doing my part" with this struggle. Be with Michelle and Erin and whatever is before them today. Thank you for my friends who are willing to walk beside me and love me, no matter what. May you bless them today in a way that they know beyond a shadow of doubt, that it is YOU. And thank you for gently asking me to come play this morning.

Happy Thanksgiving

Sam, I just ready your post...I, too, fought to get out of bed this morning. I wish I could say that I got up because God was telling me He wanted me to come play with Him. I just knew that if I didn't get up to do what I know I need to do, I would be denying myself any hope of hearing God talk to me. Perhaps the same thing, just not as personal.

We just got back from our holiday weekend. We go out to Tim's grandparent's farm where we are on gravel roads and have no cell service, no internet service and we're 1/2 an hour from town. It's the modern day sticks, but I love going. Unfortunately my allergies were in rare form and I couldn't breathe the whole time I was there. I don't think I've used my inhaler so much, ever. But, we're back and I'm ready to get into the groove again. Yes, I took a "vacation" from getting up. The down side to that is that I never thought about the study the whole weekend.


I made Fannie Mae Fudge while I was there...somewhat of a mistake. We never got more than half way through the fudge, but still, I was visiting the pan all the time. While we are at the farm, there is nothing but good "farmer" meals. For breakfast we are usually on our own. I will make biscuits and gravy one morning for everyone, but the rest is up to us. However, lunches and dinners are always fairly big. The point is that we eat and we eat well. Except for the biscuits and gravy, I do believe I did well on self control...and that darn fudge.


Erin, how are you doing?


Sam, how are you doing?


Girls, what week are you on? I am getting ready to start week 3 tomorrow. Should I stop and wait? I'd like to be caught up with you guys. For now, I will just do week 2, day 5, "Come, All Who Are Thirsty" and the passage is Isaiah 55.

The waters of God are free. He says, "Come, all who are thirsty..." its free. I wanted to drink of God this morning and found myself, my mind, all over the place.

He says, "Incline your ear to Me and listen that you may live."

"Seek the Lord while He may be found. Call upon Him while He is near."

Like precipitation falling to earth waters the earth and allows for things to grow, eventually providing food for us, God's Word doesn't return void to Him. It rains on us allowing us to produce fruit and grow. If we do not respond to God's Spirit, soon it will be hard to hear Him and hard to find Him.

• God, I so want to hear your voice regularly and I know that it's because I ignore you often that I don't hear you as much. Forgive me of that. Talk to me today. Talk more to Sam and to Erin. Don't let us fall to the sin of food so much that we are overrun by it and only hear it and not you. Thank you for Erin and Sam and what their friendships mean, but don't let us be more concerned about these earthly friendships that we don't listen for you, best friend of all. Thank you for loving us when we love other things. Help us to do what's right and master the sin before us.