Are you a tree?

Wow, how long has it been??? Too long.

I have been doing the study...very slowly. I just finished up week 3 a few minutes ago. I went to bed at 10 last night with a bad headache. That is a good time for me. I just haven't been able to stomach going to bed before then. It's almost as if I'd never see Tim by myself if I did, but even as I type this, I am doing much of it with my eyes closed, I'm so sleepy. I could almost feel Satan luring me to go back to bed this morning. I woke up at 4:30 to go to the bathroom, but my alarm goes off at 4:55 anyways, so what's the point of going back to bed?

I confess that because of my nodding off, I didn't get as much out of the lesson as I'd have hoped. It was on Psalm 1. I'm sure there are many truths there, but one thing I pulled away with was just not to be envious of the wicked. Whether that is the actual unbeliever who has it all, or the believer that isn't living the right way. I don't need to be envious because all they have is fleeting. It is all but for a moment and the only thing that will last is what is done for Christ. I want to live with Christ as my audience. I want to worry about what Christ thinks and not people. I want to live for the applause of Christ and not other people. I want to think and meditate on Him and His word and not on me and my belly or whatever else is distracting me today.

To be firmly planted by rivers of water is to be rooted...deep in Christ. To be filled and hydrated by living water. When the winds of temptation and trials blow, I want to be strongly grounded in Christ that I don't blow away like the chaff of wheat would in the wind. Realistically speaking, some fruit may fall off in the wind, but it will grow back if the tree is firmly planted.

• Let me be that tree. May the wind blow in my life, and may I be found standing in you, Lord. There are so many pointless distractions in American life. We have it so easy. The easiness of life bothers me. If I am coasting through life, the Christian life, throw some speed bumps in there along the way. God, we have it too easy and perhaps it may not always be that way, but we aren't even thankful all the time for the way things are now. Give me and Sam and Erin hearts that long for you. Give us minds that realize that we are in the temporary and that what we do today determines a lot of our forever. I want to be firmly planted in you so that I yield much fruit for you and glorify you forever.

Refocusing as well . . .

Hi Ladies~

Well, it wouldn't be the first Monday in January if I wasn't refocusing, would it?

Talk about being behind. And look at my behind these days. Seriously!!

So, here is a prayer request. Chris and I are going to try to refocus our eating habits together. I am glad he is interested in trying to lose some weight, as he needs to.

Again, as you said, Sam, in His strength, not mine!

Also, off subject, but another prayer request. I have too much on my plate right now and so I am going to be trying to take some things off my plate so that I can become a sane person once again. I was sane at one point in my life, wasn't I?? Please pray that I listen to Him for what the priorities in my life should be, not just what seems to be a "good" thing.

Love you, girls.

Hope your holidays were blessed!

Erin

Time to Refocus!

Week 3, Day 4...yes, I'm behind...but I am resolved to finish this study again. I'm praying that God give me something new, something for a "ah ha" moment. He told me in ways that I can understand that I already have what I need...there is no need for something new. I need no new trick or trinket to help me loose this weight. I need no new focus, I just need to refocus. The Holy Spirit in me is all I need...waiting to guide me and help me. I just need to ask and be grateful, instead of mentally throwing a temper tantrum because I feel I deserve "something." I just haven't been asking ...trying to do it all on my own-the very downside of my personality that festers my codependency issues...trying to fix everything in my own strength. I don't need to be strong for this...I just need to turn to God. I think I have allowed Satan to get me so frustrated with this weight thing that ...I see that I'm not strong enough and then I cave and QUIT. Instead of realizing that the next step is not in the quitting, but turning to God. Hmmm...my "next step" should be turning to God first. Hmmmm...maybe I have this whole thing backwards. And this is where I need to stop and pray, and ask Him to fill me up, to direct my day, to change my attitude, and to purify my heart.

Lord, thank you for this little "ah ha" moment...even though it is nothing "BIG". Thank you for speaking to me and teaching me in small ways. I know you care about all of the little things in my life, and I am sorry that those sometime get in the way of the big picture. Help me to refocus my thoughts today. You know I have been battling negative thinking patterns. You did not create me to do that, help me to recognize and stop them in their tracks. Thank you for loving me enough to sit quietly with me and to whisper to me and for me to hear you. Now, just help me to be obedient. Help me to glorify you in all I do. Be with Michelle and Erin as well. As we start this new year, bless them...bless their families. Help us all to become women of moderation. Help us to live like the daughters you created us to be. Thank you for giving me the greatest sisterhood I've ever known. I love you, help me love you more. I do believe Father, but help my unbelief. I give you this day.

Oh girls, where do I begin? I have so fallen off the wagon with this study. Actually, I feel I have fallen of the wagon with God as well. I really can't go into it all now, but just know that there are some things happening in the Ingram family that has brought more chaos and heartbreak. Those things have made me aware that I need to get back on the wagon and stay on for the long haul...and not just with my weight, but with my RELATIONSHIP with Him.

Today my family will see how one's actions have consequences that not only effect him, but those who love him. (and we often think sin only effects that person.) I am angry and very disappointed in this individual to the point of not even being able to really talk about it-my anger or the situation-right now. At my core, I am begging God to help me work through this anger...at my core, I am asking God to heal my heart towards this person. It was during this time that I was so convicted at how God must be disappointed in me...of how He longs for me to do better, and how He longs for me to reach for His help when I need it. My heart was broken when I realized how I have been breaking His heart over and over again. I immediately was convicted and I long to do better...I don't want him to feel the disappointment that I am feeling now...both towards myself and to my family member. And like God, I need to show love and mercy, and yet give "tough love" at the same time. I know I am being watched by not only this person, but to all of those within my family, on how I am going to handle the situation.

I woke early this morning because I couldn't sleep due to this situation and what today will bring. I got up knowing I needed to spend time with the Lord...knowing He would speak to me if I would just listen. And He did. Through an email I received from Dennis Rainey, I opened to a sermon given on trust...who do we trust in times of chaos? What a title! Anyway, the article was talking about trusting the Lord in times of uncertainty...trusting that God has our best interest in mind, and trusting that we don't have to be afraid of what our day will bring. I open my bible to read Psalms 56:3-4
When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God, whose words I praise, in God I trust, I will not be afraid.

It may not seem like the Holy Grail, but it spoke to me...He spoke to me! He took time to speak to me this morning! He took time to show me love and mercy in my disobedience to Him. What an awesome God we serve!

I don't know if I will be able to call you guys later...I will probably be in Evadale this afternoon as we have to discuss the "situation" with mom. The Grabers are in until the weekend and things are still crazy from the holidays. I'll call when I can...just be in prayer for me and I will fill you guys in later. Love you both!

Ah HA!

Okay girls, this isn't a spiritual blog, but one where the light did go off! Long story short, Paul surprised me with a dinner date the other night. I thought we were going to the company Christmas party, and instead ended up in Houston at my favorite restaurant. We were all dressed up and enjoying our time together without worrying about being mom and dad. This restaurant is upscale...a very prim and proper place...where it is way too expensive, but the food is well worth it. One of those places you go three times in your life, and that is if you're lucky. As I was sitting there, prim and proper, I was chewing my steak slowly and deliberately tasting it's full flavor. I didn't want anything else...just my steak...no sides, drinks, desserts. It was that good! And when something is that good, you want to savor every moment. There it hit me..."ah, this is what is supposed to be like." I didn't want to fill myself with other things. I didn't want to scarf it down...and while doing this I realized I was pleasantly filled....not too full. I SOOOOO enjoyed my dinner, and all the while, heard God say "this is what I'm trying to teach you." Wow...I had to share it with Paul immediately!!! There was no need to even stop and get dessert on the way home! It was wonderful. I've tried to practice "prim and proper"ness here at home...and I do have to say there is something to be said about doing that while eating Mac-n-Cheese. Not quite the same. :) With that being said...enjoy the flavors of the season...just in moderation and do it slowly! :) Merry Christmas to you both. I love you and pray God's blessings on you in 2009!

Power struggle

Today is fasting day. I just had my first Psalm snack of the day at 10:30, roughly. It is the first time in this round of the study that I sat down to have one. I was skeptical about getting anything out of it, but my prayer was just that I wanted to hunger for God more than food as my stomach was growling rather loudly at that moment.

The Psalm was Psalm 68. It was a bit lengthy and full of a whole lot of symbolic language that I cannot begin to put in its place and I will have to admit that I was getting a bit discouraged by all the goings on of mountains and kings and whatnot. However, the last verse was really all that I needed right now.

Verse 38 says, "O God, You are awesome from Your sanctuary. The God of Israel Himself gives strength and power to the people. Blessed be God!"

Whether that is strength to last through the temptations of licking the knife when making the sandwiches or just having one m&m or whatever it may be...I don't have the power. Whether it is getting up to spend time with Him or living life to glorify Him, whatever it may be...I don't have the power. The God of Israel has it and it is His to give.

• God, thank you for taking away the gnawing feeling in my stomach as I read your word. I did notice that. Thank you for being the power that you are even when I don't realize it. Please give Erin and me the strength for this fast and Sam, when she takes hers. Show us that YOU are the one who has the power over everything and it is YOURS to give to us, not ours to take control of. I needed to know that, but more importantly I need to truly understand and yield to that. Please help me in that and be that power to us today and every day.

We have won!

When I want to do good, evil is right there too. I should be delighting in God's law, but instead I am often held prisoner to the law of sin constantly at work within my body.

I so desperately want to continue with my "vulnerable time of day Psalm snack". It was so refreshing and encouraging when I did that last Friday. Now (excuses, excuses) being back home after being out of town, I feel like I need to reboot myself. Re-acknowledge that I need to focus on the afternoon and late evening as times to Psalm snack instead of snack snack. So, again, I commit to that today.

My mind does desire to be a slave to God's law, now God please help my "members" to show that today! I don't want to be of the devil and to continue in a pattern of what I have acknowledged so many times is sin.

We have a battle, but why don't we remember all of the time that we have won the battle through Jesus Christ??

1 John 1:20 "We know also that the Son of God has come and has given us understanding, so that we may know him who is true. And we are in him who is true—even in his Son Jesus Christ. He is the true God and eternal life."

Dear Lord,

Today please help me hold to the truth that Jesus Christ has won the battle over sin and death. Help me live like one who has won this battle, because I have in Him. Please help Michelle and Sam today too. Sick kids and general mom stuff can bog us down. Be with us today, Lord and give us strength. I love you.

Erin