Help my unbelief

My weekly gym schedule is MWF for about 45 minutes. It has been a great time, though the past couple of mornings I have been tired and had to tell myself NOT to talk myself out of going. I don't really enjoy exercising, but I love the feeling afterwards that I have. That's probably my Pharisaical tendencies coming out in the personal satisfaction gained in doing what's right and good. Not satisfaction, necessarily in the act of getting healthy, but satisfaction that I could tell someone that I was at the gym doing what's right and good. Silly, I know, but unfortunately I have some pharisee in me. One of my biggest battles in life!

At any rate, that's not what this entry is supposed to be about, though for me all this is linked together of the things that barricade my spiritual growth. Day 2 is titled Physical Hunger versus Spiritual Hunger. I will have to admit that the first time around doing this study, a lot of times I would walk away from the lesson in complete frustration that I was getting nothing out of it.

I started off today by admitting to God that I don't really believe that He will (or perhaps that He can) take away my desire towards food and that if He did that, to give me the wherewithal, or humility I guess it is, to recognize that it was Him and not me. That was a big first step. I need to know, believe and live the truth that food cannot relieve stress or boredom. Only God can.

Seriously, I know there are those of you out there who are thinking, "I just don't get this. Just quit eating. One cookie is enough." I mean, I am not obese, by any means. I am barely overweight for that matter, and I am even somewhat content with where I am physically...somewhat (though I am going to get to pre-baby size again, doggone it). I just can't stand that as a Christian, I turn to a venti iced vanilla latte (with skim milk cuz somehow that makes it better) when I have had a tough day. Now, there is nothing wrong with that on the surface...you have a tough day with the kids and a pleasure for yourself is all you want...the problem with that...the sin in that is not going to God first. Why is food my point man? A major point of this lesson it to recognize the difference between physical hunger (belly growling) and soul hunger (boredom, stress, etc.) and then to believe that God can and will satisfy that soul hunger and that M&M's won't do it. Really.

Part of the lesson today was to read Psalm 81:8-12. The first few verses are great for acknowledgement of idols in my life, but that I already knew. Verse 10 tells me to open my mouth wide and God will fill it. That is what I want to experience fully in regards to food and snacks. To have the faith that He will do what He says He will do. Why is it I can declare His sovereignty in so many areas of my life, but I say that this sweet tooth thing I have is up to me? Somehow He won't take care of that. It takes me to a little saying, "help my unbelief."

Now, I have gone past my 30 minutes that I gave my self to blog before taking my shower, so I need to wrap this up.

• Thank you God for allowing me to push past my pride, even if only for moment, to admit my unbelief to you. Please use that to do a work in me and in Sam and in Erin that only You can do and please allow us to give you all the glory as it is Yours anyways.